Fault Lines

In the middle of a regular training cycle, my little pains and niggles become normal, daily creaks. First steps on the cold wood floor shoot electricity up my calves. Hips are sucked-in tight knots.

Now that I am waiting to race, a week into my first part of a taper, I'm finding these new pains concerning. Tiring. I question whether it is normal delayed onset soreness or could it be that tiny micro-tears have split along the fault lines, becoming full fledged ruptures. One more week, that's all I need to get through, then I can take a little time off. 

A little time off sounds nice.

Into these guys the last few days. 

Future Islands

And then there was no maintenance...

With my sore foot weighing on me, I decided to rest this weekend before my last two-week push into the race. I guess I should use the word "rest" lightly as it felt like I was doing burpies with 30lbs of kid on my back all day. No such thing as laziness with these two kids.

Now the foot feels good. Time to clear the webs make the final two weeks a good one.

There is no training now, there is only maintenance

While I wanted to run today, I was reminded by a random tweet out there from the interwebs that said you have to remember to respect the training plan. Nothing more will be made from anything within these last few weeks. Rest, heal, train mentally. Meditate. Eat well. Sleep when you can.

You can't fix the gaps in your training plan in the last few days leading up to your race. Your earlier failures can't be corrected. I wish I could go back and correct them.

I wish I could, but I can't.

This helps get me through the doldrums.

Needs Salt

Limping across the line at the LBI 18 Mile Run

I will eventually get around to completing a full race report for the running of the 41st Annual Long Beach Island 18 Mile Run. I have been putting thoughts together on this for the last few days. In the meantime, I thought I would try to capture one important lesson learned around mile 14 of this long, straight race.

I hear often that you should never experiment during a race; that it is not the time to try something new. This is what long training runs are for. Test your nutrition, break in your shoes, see that a pair of shorts holds up and does not chafe around your sensitive bits.

What I did not consider going into this one were the things (or one thing in particular) I do regularly on long runs that I left out of my race day plan.

I sweat when I run; a lot when it is hot and/or sunny. I also tend to lose a lot of salt, with dried residue on my face, clothes, etc. After suffering through a hot 50k last year, I learned to carry S!Caps to help replenish the salts I’m losing to ultimately assist my body in water absorption. When I start to feel sloshing in my gut, I know I have waited too long.

The LBI race was not hot, but it was straight and exposed to a constant sun. Around mile 10, I wiped my brow and felt a sandpaper-like grit across my face. By mile 14 I was getting electric shocks through my right hamstring. Everything else felt good and my nutrition and hydration was right on.

But I forgot the salt. As I staggered on I knew the cramping was going to get worse until it would force me to stop a few times and stretch the legs. For anyone who has not had this type of cramping before, it is an interesting experience. The pain I can take. It’s the locked, seized muscles that I find hard to maneuver.

I limped this one in having to slow down considerably over the last few miles.

Lesson learned the hard way. Carry salt. While I will always hope I do not have to use it, there will be comfort in knowing that it is there when I do.

Little Joy - The Next Time Around

The Year of Racing Terribly (or nearly not at all)

I write this having been up for 20+ hours tending to my son in a household ravaged by some vicious little stomach bug. I haven't had time to think about it yet, but I believe I may be fighting the thing as well. And I have a race in a few days.

I feel desperately unprepared for this one. I have miles in my legs but not enough. I have hills that have worn me out and made me stronger, but I question if I've gone high enough. Have I gone hard enough? I'm pretty sure that I have not.

Running provides a much needed outlet for me, a time and place where I can turn off the noise of the world and breath in mental silence. Not every run is a good one physically, but they have all been useful (even the really bad ones) psychologically, spiritually.

But it can sometimes lose it's impact when it is clouded by the guilt around my sometimes not being able to reach my own expectations... set around race specific training and usually the races themselves. This alone can push me to depression when running is supposed to be the thing that guards me from it.

I start to wonder and obsess on how others do it. How do they commute, work, commit time and energy to their families and still find time to be the best they can possibly be athletically. It can get lonely not being able to figure this out.

I'm blessed to have the support of one of the best shoe companies in the market. And I feel guilty for having the opportunity to represent them. Being a part of the Altra Ambassadors allows me to be inspired by a fantastic team of enthusiastic explorers, but sometimes their endeavors and successes make me feel less than.

I haven't trained as much as I would like. I won't make excuses about that. I have barely raced, but hope to pick that up as we go into the summer. I have races on the calendar including a late entry into the NYC Marathon.

I want to turn the year around. I think I may need many more long, quiet runs to figure out how.

Discovery

Two restorative runs over the last two days have helped to pull me back from my recent bout of running malaise.

Yesterday's run was a quick warm-up to the base of a powerline hill that cuts directly up through the woods to a ridge line. The climb averages around 30% grade. And for me, with no mountains to speak of in this area of the east coast, this hill presents a huff and puff challenge.

I ran up it with all the steam I had. When my stride started to break and hiking would be the quicker option, I transferred to hands-on-thighs power walking.

Got the top, caught my breath for a few seconds then it was a tear-ass back down the slope to do it all again. A few more times and I felt like I had washed myself off. I felt whole again.

I read somewhere recently a line that went something like "you have to go further to discover more." With my running it is pain and the ability to push through it. Too many of the same runs recently have left me feeling like my training was going nowhere, falling flat. I was learning nothing new about myself.

Challenge myself a few times and I feel like it's all coming back to me. Now I want to race again.

Running to get somewhere

It's not often that I get the chance to run as a means of transportation, to simply get from one place to another under my own power.

Usually, I drive to a trailhead, run around for awhile, ending up back at my car. Then I drive home.

From the house, its ever changing loops that take me through new neighborhoods, new towns. But I always end up back in my driveway panting, hands on my knees. Right where I began.

Worse is the dreaded treadmill downstairs. There I claw my way through miles staring at an earth toned-wall twenty inches in front of my face. I will time to move faster so I can get to my predetermined point of accomplishment. There is no physical travel. Just some lit up numbers on a dashboard. When I'm done I turn it off. I've gone nowhere.

But on occasion I remind myself that I can commute by running. At least part of the way. I remember that I can carry my gear in my GoLite pack, change at work before I head out, and get creative with how I get home.

During a treadmill run last night, I was attempting to plan my run for the next day. No matter which way I chopped it, I couldn't come up with the time to get my miles in. Then I remembered. Get off the train a few stops early and run it home. I'm pleased with myself when I can problem solve life's tougher issues.

So I commuted part of the way home with the rest of the workforce. I sat there in synthetic fabrics feeling exposed in my shorts. I always find it awkward getting off a train full of commuters and leaving the station. When do I start running? Right off the train or do I wait until I get to the street?

While others are beginning their short walks to their cars, I tear off out the doors and bound down the road.

There are a lot of runners in my area. Early mornings, post-work dusk runs, those doing their "work from home" lunchtime loops. Everybody understands these people and the madness, the compulsions that push them out every day, rain or shine.

I found today on my commute home that people do not get someone leaving a train to run a distance with a full pack on ones back, with the simple purpose of getting home. I got strange looks and confused stares. Even runners I passes looked confused. It must have been the pack. Why would he be running with a pack?

I like running to get somewhere. It makes sense to me.

Not Doing It

Not running can be overwhelming. Frustrating. 

After my recent long night run a few days back coupled with endless days of business travel, I've been forced to take some some time off from running. Not planned, just not happening.

I know that I should be developing the habit. I try. It's just not that easy.

Stared at some mountains out of the airplane window. Inspiring, but only passed over them, not really experienced.

Meditation

With the realization that our rough winter might now be coming to a close, I spent some time this morning thinking about how I've been doing too many runs on the treadmill, too many hours staring at the wall.

This morning, after a short pre-dawn run (on the mill), I spent some quiet time sitting on the floor reflecting. I had a brief few moments remaining between a cold shower and the time when both boys start calling.

I breathed over and over listening as the air move in my nose, out my mouth. I heard the house creak and birds wake. I studied the quiet in my head. I came to a realization. 

I generally run on the treadmill because of time constraints, inclement weather, what seems like constant darkness, and sometimes laziness. I have lost something in this transition. On the treadmill I have to work with necessary coping mechanisms to manage the tedium. I wear headphones. I cover the screens with a shirt so I don't gasp through each dot on the little LCD track in front of me. I count songs and segments on podcasts. I'm not lost in the serenity of the activity. I'm hyper-aware of each step, each little movement of time. I have separated myself from the quiet. 

Remove the faint rhythms of feet on trail and the cadence of breath and I lose a significant part of what gets me through this day. Or the next one. Or the next week.

Without me even realizing it I've altered my meds, changing the running chemicals and dosages that keep me balanced in other areas of my life. I need to change this.

Spring is here. It's time to clear out the webs and begin that search again for those blissful quiet moments.

Why did no one tell me about these guys?

A Brilliant and Tough Year in Review

Defining rigorous goals in times that should never allow it can be both frustrating and fulfilling. I'm one to set my targets high, higher than should be allowed. So, I have had to be comfortable with failure knowing that 50% completion can sometimes be considered success.

I have a tough job that puts demands on me. I have a long commute. And I have a family, where I intend to be an active participant. After all these things, plus some sleep and relaxation, I have to find time to train.

After 2012, where I met "some" of my goals, I put a big one on the table. I wanted to complete a tough 50k. I didn't wait to see if I could get there; I put my money down early and got it on the calendar. 

Everything building up to this August race was training. Everything after has been recovery (though not much was needed). I knew what was in-store for in 2013 outside running, so I made it okay to have my one "A" race... my one big goal. 

So here is my running year in review. While the the apex is a few months back, the year had a surprisingly large number of high points, ones that ultimately made my first 50k finish look small in comparison.

• January - I was selected to join Altra as a brand ambassador. I loved the shoes but found joining the team of inspiring runners was what really pushed me to train and perform as I headed into spring. I've enjoyed being a part of this family immensely, and have been happy to promote them to anyone who will hear me. I continue to believe that they make the best shoes on the market. Case in point is that I have gotten through 2013 completely injury free. I believe that the shoes have had something to do with this.
• February - My family moved into our new home. It meant a longer commute, but finally put me closer to the "country." Not the Northeast Kingdom I'm used to, but I had a nice big home, some land, and more than enough trail heads within a few miles of my front door.
• March - My wife gave birth to our second boy, little Marcus. He has filled out our family perfectly. Nothing more needs to be said about that.
• April - Ran the NJ Half Marathon with my best friend. He came all the way from Argentina to do this one with me. I'm not great on the road, with the sustained, rhythmic pounding, but after a completely hectic start line situation, we finished strong along the seashore with a respectable time.
• May - Finally found that with our move, I could get some trail training in. It gave me more confidence that the tough 50k coming up just might be doable. My commute was killing me, and finding the time to train was nearly impossible, but I found a way to make it work (sometimes at 4am). I saw a lot of sunrises.
• June - Raced a short 10k trail race on my home trails and came in 7th. It was blazing hot which did me a lot of favors. I paced the first few miles well and passed a bunch on the biggest uphill. Hammered it home and gained just a little more confidence.
• July - What should have been my heaviest training month provided the greatest mental anguish. With a young family, I had to make choices that pushed my training down the priority list. I kept at it when I could but really suffered internally. It forced me to question what I was capable of. Finally, towards the end of the month, I forced myself to hit the treadmill for a 2 1/2 run. This mill sits in my basement and forces me to stare at a wall 2 feet away. I told myself that if I could get through this mentally, I could get through much more while distracted in the woods.
• August - That Night I Dreamt of Rocks. I got through my race. It had its suffering but the feeling after was fantastic. Immediately after, I started thinking about the next big challenge. Mentally, I signed up for the Vermont 50 in 2014. 
• September - While I didn't stop running after the 50k, I did loosen the routine a bit. Eventually, this got me into the cycle of putting running way down the list. As September went on, my mileage dropped. I started thinking about little "micro adventures", little projects that would give me reason enough for getting out. I started thinking about a trail running club. 
• October - Creeping along but I really started to feel that I had lost my momentum. I decided to start a running club for folks that like to get out in Watchung Reservation. With a few long(ish) runs on the calendar, I at least knew that I was keeping the base miles and it was really nice to run with other trail runners. Seeing that I would be living here for years to come, I felt that I might as well work to build a community of like-minded runners. So far, so good.
• November - With a good bit of a fall cold wiping me out for two weeks, I went into a rough, quick 6 mile trail race (NJ HashAThon) completely unprepared. Found that the base lives on even when you are not consistently putting in the miles. It was only six, but I got through it quicker than I thought I would and enjoyed myself out there. One of the best trail races I've seen for crowd attendance and support. It's always nice to get cow bells in the middle of a climb. This will definitely be on my yearly calendar, and I look forward to eventually running it with my boys. The rest of November was a wash with little training. I went into December knowing that I had to change things.
• After really struggling with motivational issues, I decided to go into December on a run streak. Bad weather wouldn't stop me because I had the treadmill in the basement. At least 1 mile a day was my goal, and I kept at it for 22 days. As I got into the holidays, I just got tired. Knowing that I had a race coming on January 4th, I decided to throw in the towel, comfortable knowing that I could get out there day after day if I had to.

Now, after surviving and tough but fulfilling year, I start to think about my goals for 2014. As I stated at the beginning, aim big and be happy with small successes.

• A 50 miler run quickly. This will probably take two 50k's as training races, but I'm looking to finish the Vermont 50 in September.
• I would like to complete a timed race, probably starting with a 6 or 12 hour race. Running with the Devil provides the perfect mix of climbing in a timed event. 
• Hoping to race some trails in a different country. If we get to southern Italy this year, that would be the perfect place. We'll see.
• Last but not least, I need to continue to work to find the appropriate level of balance in my family life and training. Always a struggle, I need to find ways to work around the family better, and involve them in the process whenever possible.

Otherwise, a good 2013. It will only get better in 2014.

This one is for my wife. Not red haired,

but there in spirit (i.e. fiery)

A Silly Project

I feel like I use this blog mostly to complain. What should have been thoughts about running became thoughts about not running. And so we begin...

0:56:53 - 6.53 miles (1300') - A Silly Project
I hadn't run this week (blah blah blah), so I figured I needed to make this one fun. It was an early morning run in 20 degree blustery winter feel. I needed this one to be more than a simple loop of the town so I finally veered off my regular path to attempt a silly little project that I've had in the back of my mind for a few months.

While tapping around at work I found that the highest point in the county is just a few miles away from my house. Not high by any one's standards, but still the highest bit of land around. I decided a while back that I was going to tag it to put it behind me.

I ventured out this morning thinking that I could get up there, snap a shot and head home, all within an hours time. I knew from the maps that I could get within about a half mile of the spot by a dead-end access road. From there I would have to bushwhack up a ridge to the high point.

I headed up the road but found that the hilltop was very well marked private land. There was a posting about every 50 feet along the road. I worked my way up the road to find a spot to bolt up the hill into the woods but couldn't find the spot. I eventually decided to attempt it again either early morning or around dusk when I would be less conspicuous. At exactly the moment I decided to move on and try another day, a big truck came down the road, slowing to my pace as I trotted back along the road. I gave a nod in the "I'm just out for a jog", and they moved on.

I think I need more projects like this to drive me in these low times. Devil's Path next summer should do it.

He Would Have Laughed by Deerhunter. Great song.

Finding Motivation

As winter darkness creeps in and the days get shorter, I discovered a timely post from Gary Robbins on finding that motivation to continue on, to keep moving when the weather heads south.

It's no secret that I've found it hard lately to strap on the headlamp and pound out miles on the dark streets and trails. Just as he states, for me it is not due to any physical issue. The struggle is all in my head.

So, I will try to use some of his numbered techniques to see if it can get through the darkness to my next big race.

I used #9 (Give it Twenty) this weekend and as always, it worked. I felt awful after a steep climb. My plan was to cruise down and do a few repeats of the hill, but after sweating my way up, I was more concerned with keeping my stomach intact. I was about to turn-in but I forced myself to take a right and veer off on a path that would draw a few more miles out of me. It med me tighten up an un-do whatever was done by my big lunch and big climb.

I got home a little more tired than I would have liked but with not a single regret about the run.

Why We Run

For those who have known me over the years or followed my ramblings on social media, they may have been witness to a fairly dramatic transition over the last two years. A few years back, I was not really a runner. I may have run occasionally when some bit of fear was chasing me, but I did not identify myself as a runner.

Now I talk, write, post constantly about running.  I think about it constantly, not only why I run, but why I now have to allow it to envelop me. I've attempted to write about this new identity before here on this blog, though I think I will be struggling with this one for years.

Enter the new episode from Solomon Running TV. Bernd Heinrich is an inspiration and captures the essence of what I have been chasing for some time. I could watch this man for hours.

"The essential thing is to run, period... and to do it for a long time, and consistently. Then everything takes care of itself."

Week Ending 10/27/2013

I was going into this week knowing that I had to turn some type of corner, that last week was a bottom. It had to get better.

Started the week well motivated and got out a few times. Eventually, the cumulative affect of two sniffly, snotty kids put an end to it.

I found redemption by getting out on the trails with some folks from my running club. It was cold, and a hard run, but it made up for the last two weeks of no effort.

10/21/13

Mon - 0:29:45 - 3.65 miles (275') - Short (cold) Loop

After basically the last week off from running, I finally dragged myself from the hole I've been living in to get a quick, very cold run under a morning nearly-full moon. I was caught off-guard a bit by the cold temp but it helped move me along. Feeling out of shape, but I was happy to know that I can still get up and get out at 5am.

10/22/13

Tue - 0:52:12 - 6.05 miles (800') - New Prov Loop w. Powerlines thrown in

Had a chance to get out and run when the sun was up so I threw in a quick climb of the powerlines. It's a 300' climb with an average grade of about 25%. Hard not to stop and enjoy the view, but I use this climb to find a quick burn before I hit the roads for a few miles.

View from the top of the powerlines. What you can't see if the drop-off.

10/16/13

Wed - Sick children had me up all night

10/17/13

Thurs - Ditto

10/18/13

Fri - Now I'm starting to feel the cold

10/19/13

Sat - 2:00:00 - 11.2 miles (1800') - Sierra Trail with Watchung Res. Running Club

Out for a very early, very cold morning run of the Sierra Trail. Again, hit the ridge line at sunrise. Got a spend a few seconds looking at the glowing horizon. Picked up the pace the last few miles and turned this into a tempo run. Overall, felt great but started to get sloppy towards the end. Nothing like catching a toe on a root and doing the 10-step catch-up-to-your-head-dance to wake you out of your morning fog.

Separate note, had an opportunity to discuss running The Devil's Path with Brett after the winter. I've been intrigued by this and was happy to find someone thinking the same thing as me. Going to have to spend the winter doing my research.

10/20/13

Sun - 1:00:00 - 3 miles (600') - Chimney Rock Park Trails

A family hike along Chimney Rock's trails. Roman lead the way. Legs were tight and ankle a little tender from some of my toe-slams from the day before, so this was a nice way to loosen up and enjoy some time with the family. I like hiking with Marcus attached. 25 lbs of weight is noticeable.

Miles: 23.9

Hours: 4:21:57

Elevation: 3,475'

Had to include something from this man. Had a big impact on my early years.

It Gets Worse

I pretty much gave up this week. No sleep so the days never came together.

Decided to ride out the low like a fever to see if things would clear up on Monday. Happy to at least get some time on the trails with the kiddles. Hiking while wearing Marcus is good leg work. Like a weight vest. The kid is a tank.

Week ending 10/20/13

10/14/13

Mon - 1 mile (0') - Running with Roman

Had the opportunity to run a bit with my four year old. For a quick run, this was one of my happiest in a long time. Made me look forward to future runs with the boys as they get older. The kid can move pretty well and likes to weave around in front of me like it is a game. Felt like I was running with my cat.

10/15/13

Tue - No sleep, couldn't do it

10/16/13

Wed - Nothing

10/17/13

Thurs - "Rest" day

10/18/13

Fri - Another big day of nothing

10/19/13

Sat - 1:30:00 - 3 miles (500') - Hike and Seek

Got out for a hiking event with Roman. We went at his pace but had a great time working the trails. Nothing makes me happier than meandering with my boys.

Roman working as my guide. I let him manage the pace.

10/20/13

Sun - 0:30:00 - 2 miles (100') - Passaic River Park (with Marcus)

Had an afternoon with my little one so I strapped him on and went for a hike. Ran into a charming 95 year-old on the trail. Said my chubby little boy looks like he will be an athlete (apparently pronounced athaleet).

The happy tank

Miles: 6.00

Hours: 2:00

Elevation: 600'

Found this one recently.

 

A Shameful Week

Let's see if this public shaming works as a motivator to get me out the door.

So, on to the last week's training ending October 13th. Another soft week in a month of soft weeks.

10/7/13

Mon - Nothing

10/8/13

Tue - 0:49:50 - 5.84 miles (825') - Powerline Loop

After a completely crap day at work, it felt good to get out in the dark and do some climbing. This loop winds gradually uphill through some local neighborhoods until I get underneath the lines and climb and old school trail. Weird to do this much climbing in the dark, but sometimes its better when you can't see the top. The woods were cool and misty. Felt the Halloween season approaching. A bit spooky.

10/9/13

Wed - Zilch

10/10/13

Thurs - 0:37:51 - 4.5 miles (375') - Summit to BK Heights (from the train)

Decided that I had to force myself to run (my little one has decided that sleep is for weaklings). I just haven't been able to get up at 5am to get on the road, so this time I packed my kit in a bag and brought it to work with me. On my way home, I jumped off the train a few stops early and ran it home. Nice run overall. Need to do this more.

10/11/13

Fri - Big plans but nothing came of it

10/12/13

Sat - Same a Friday

10/13/13

Sun - 1:05:00 - 6 miles (600') - Watchung Reservation (Off-trail and Sierra Trail)

Met up with Dave from the Watchung Reservation Running Club and his dog Sally for an easy run through the reservation. Took some semi off-trail routes which meant some leg shredding from under-used and over-grown trails. Overall, a nice run in the beautiful fall foliage.

Miles: 16.34

Hours: 2:32

Elevation: 1800'

To summarize, a pretty weak week. Consider me ashamed.

My New Public Shaming Training Program

With recent lack of sleep (thank you very much infant child) and the big races behind me, I've let my training slide... likely when I could use it the most. Its sort of the "I'm not running because I'm depressed/I'm depressed because I'm not running"-conundrum.

So, I've decided on a public shaming.

Drawing from the "elites" that catalog their weekly training, I thought I try the same. Obviously few will care and none will be impressed with my lazy exercises and infrequent miles. To me, though, it could work as motivation. If I believe that one person out there who may inspire me with their own efforts or results could happen upon a post of mine, outlining a potentially weak set of training results, then I can hope to use it as the driver to get up and get out there when the rest of the world is sleeping. It isn't always easy or fun, but that motivation from shame may help me in many ways.

Let's see if it works. Next up, last week's lack of training.

The Jam - Funeral Pyre